“Men are women’s greatest predator...”
-An intelligent and successful woman I shared a brunch table with yesterday.
I of course immediately thought to myself after that statement...
“They are also your greatest protector. Life’s funny that way.”
Then I thought long and hard throughout the day about this flippant sentiment of such serious condemnation of a particular gender; from a person throughout the day espousing fairness over rudeness in the exchange of ideas, equality and gender rights. I thought why would someone want to be caught in the weeds like that? Life is an intrinsically powerful force of both ugly and beautiful. Perfect example; her statement of predatory association to Man, is as equally correct as my thought that we are also their greatest protector.
The very true and balanced idea of both statements is what makes life, and our unusual existence relative to our world and the universe so amazing.
In that very moment and for most of my Sunday out with friends, I kept coming to a significant realization. A realization that has been popping in and out of my brain for a few weeks now. I am yearning for something deeper. I was surrounded by intelligent successful people wrapped up in Joe Biden as their savior. Quite possibly the most morally bankrupt and shallow politician in the history of modern America, and these people could not be further from being shallow or morally bankrupt, so what gives? These friends, and co-brunchers aren’t even stupid or misguided. It then dawned on me like a ton of bricks-- politics is what gives. Contemporary politics is a shallow pool. It might even be more shallow than reality television. It’s basically theater, without the beautiful imagery and critical thinking, and I don’t want to be so focused on it anymore.
I especially never intended for my writings to become so political. But, when you feel as if your whole life has been in search of the most authentic (ugly and beautiful) moments in all situations it’s hard to stomach this modern world that is overwhelmingly presenting me and us with such a synthetic movement of ideas and policies. Therefore It’s very hard to keep quiet.
In the most recent last couple of years, and during this election season I find myself increasingly influenced by the old drunken years of Kerouac. Which was inspired mostly by the extremely talented writer Marlo Safi, and her National Review article about Jack Kerouac. The last enigmatic drunken days of an incredible man, and mind. Where he would regularly denounce hippies, communists, and everyone who claimed to be heavily influenced by him. A self proclaimed Republican voting Catholic who believed in a peaceful, and order driven society. And, from those personal beliefs he came to heavily detest the youthful rebellion of American society, and not just for the sake of hating on a youth movement he no longer understood. But, the detest came from I feel as though the same detest I now have for ANTIFA, the Modern Leftist, the Dem Socialists, and the like. Why? Because they were, and are all such misguided synthetic philosophies.
It’s all just an I'm selfishly angry, burn it down mentality. It’s gross, and unappealing. For someone like Kerouac who believed heavily in the expression of the individual soul versus the contempt of the collective; I look at his honest last years as a breath of fresh air, and someone whom I will never even scratch the surface as a writer-- but someone that is long dead, and yet left a life of ideas both good and bad. Ugly and beautiful, that in so many ways clearly supports my way of thinking, and personal truths. It’s a nice feeling to know your truths have been shared before; both ignorantly at times and with beautiful clarity. Because all individual’s truths will always share both characteristics. It’s good to acknowledge both the good and the bad within, and enjoy examples of each.
Ah, and therein lies the rub, and misguided nature of the collective, on both sides. They continually ignore that invaluable truth, and only search for a utopia of ideas. Whereas the natural order of things is both suffering and salvation, and it always will be. In fact, without both, as seen in many examples in history-- when you begin to only attempt to achieve beauty without sacrifice and/or suffering you will inevitably only get the ugly.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
One of my most recent pieces "Biden Supports // Tree Sodomy," on the surface is a funny gonzo journalistic-esque article about supporting Trump because Biden is a fake loser. Which to some degree is true, and also not true. I look at that piece as my first pivot away from being focused solely on the 24/7 news cycle and politics, and I would like to begin leaning more towards the exploration of my own individual truth.
As I said I never set out to be so political. I was an actor in and out NYC in my twenties, and I had a brief stint in LA as a nobody before turning 35. Now, here I am a Union Teamster (back on the East Coast) by day, and a barely read online blogger by night. But, in the end just like Kerouac so honestly expressed, I just like to write about the beautiful and ugly things in life. I love to tell an honest human story. I have many scripts in the works, and as I go back to finish them, I think I will use this site as a way of searching for something deeper and more personal than 24/7 politics.
As I’ve done on this long humble relatively unknown creative journey of mine, when I find something to be too easy— I crumple it up, and throw it in the trash. For if it comes too easy it’s a distraction from what I know I should be focusing on.
I have a film I wrote and produced in post-production, another film based off of a play I’ve written already attached to a production company currently in pre-production, and another script already half way done. It’s what I’ve always been meant to do, and it’s what I truly love. It’s also hard, and challenging, and that’s why I must follow it.
To the 24/7 political commentary that American // Maniac has become, I say Rest In Peace. Going forward I will use this site as a mere outlet from writing scripts. From everything to talking about cheeseburgers to recommending jazz and punk albums. Perhaps a dabble in politics here and there, but nothing like it’s been. Thanks to all the 7 and 1/2 readers, hope you stick around.
“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”
-Jack Kerouac
Loving oneself and understanding one’s self is the most powerful force in the world. The moment you understand this, and experience it deeply, go forth and never look back. That’s what I plan on doing.
A M E R I C A N // M A N I A C
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